


Just a Kiss

by Belladonna1185



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-23
Updated: 2012-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-31 15:05:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/345500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belladonna1185/pseuds/Belladonna1185
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the eve of the final battle Snape finds Harry alone...and one moment changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Last Night

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first fan fiction I ever wrote. It started out as a one shot and morphed into a longer piece. Originally posted on FF.net

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update: 6/22/13
> 
> So I can't seemed to leave this one alone. I've go back into it again to tweak a few things. It is the first piece I ever wrote....it needed some tweaking.

 

 

It was the eve of the final battle and Harry Potter knew he was going to die.

Perched on the ledge of the Astronomy Tower, he quietly blinked back tears. The crisp autumn wind gently rustled the trees of the Forbidden Forest, the sun had fallen behind the horizon some time ago, and, for a moment, all was still. Inhaling deeply, Harry desperately tried to memorize the way the night smelled, wanting savor these last few hours before the dawn. 

_‘Pathetic. There’s so much I’ll never...  If only I could have had a... I should have...’_

"Potter? How predictable. You ought to be conserving your strength for the fight tomorrow or does The-Boy-Who-Lived think himself above such things as sleep?” Harry’s body pulled taut at the sound of that silky-baritone voice.

“Snape,” he grumbled under his breath. 

“Am I mistaken in my belief that the decades worth of arduous work, where I have been risking life and limb to secure the downfall of The Dark Lord, are, at the final moments, demolished by a petulant child not ready for bedtime? Many have died so that you could see this day, Potter. The least you should do is honor that sacrifice with a nights sleep and a clear head for the battle tomorrow.”

Snape sneered, “I have risked _everything_ to come back here tonight to warn you about the Dark Lord's plans. If I am discovered within these walls-- "                       

“Stop,” whispered Harry forcefully, turning towards the invader of his privacy. “Just…stop. I know. I know what people have sacrificed for me, for The Order. I know what you’ve risked. Don’t think that I am ungrateful for all that you have done. I’m not. I am well aware that if they find you, they’ll capture or kill you. I’m not as dense as you seem to think I am.”

Snape’s eyes hardened with indignation. “Then if you _know_ , why are you here?”

“Why are _you_ here instead of in the dungeons where it’s safe?” Harry countered.

“That is none of your concern.”

“None of my…?” Harry growled in frustration. “It won’t do anyone any good if you’re spotted. Do you want blow your cover? Or are you above such things as secrecy?”

Snape bristled. “If you _must_ know, I intended to send a missive to the Dark Lord’s camp so that they would not become suspicious as to my whereabouts on the eve of battle. I did not want to risk being discovered by sending it from the Owlery. As a result, I came here, as I believed this area to be secluded.”

“Well…I mean…that makes sense,” Harry murmured.

“There _are_ people in the world who have keen minds and, consequently, use them, Mr. Potter.”

“Snape, just do what you came here to do and leave me be!” Harry barked in obvious dismissal.

Snape geared up to begin a scathing tirade, but was cut off before he could utter anything more than a syllable. 

“I just wanted some time to myself before tomorrow. Is that too much to ask for?"

"You don't have the luxury of personal time, Potter," Snape sneered.

"I'm going to die tomorrow you insufferable git! I think I've earned the right to sit here in peace. Not that I even really want to be alone tonight,” Harry said with a frustrated sigh.

“Everyone has someone. Ron and Hermione, Neville and Luna, Remus and Tonks, _everyone_ has someone. They'll get...they get to feel safe…even if it's only for the night. I don't even get that. I just want to make peace with some things…before...before I can’t," Harry railed while pacing the small tower.

“Is it beyond you? Are you so cold and unfeeling?” Harry laughed bitterly, “Of course you are! What am I saying,” he scoffed. “It’s a wonder you’ve managed to live all these years, seeing as you’ve no heart!”

 

Sharply turning back towards the night sky, Harry tried to rein in his temper. “I-I’ve never had the charmed life you thought I had. I…I think I _deserve_ this, this moment to myself.”

As suddenly as it came, Harry’s anger melted away, leaving him tired and hollow. “I’m only seventeen.  Why did it have to be me?”

Snape had no answer to give as he stood silently observing the boy.  He’d never seen this side of Potter, never considered the possibility that the boy was any deeper than the shallow, self-involved persona he thought him to be.

  _‘The boy is not his father,’_ Snape reminded himself. ‘ _It won’t break me to show him a bit of kindness. There is something of Lilly in him, however small.’_

"You don't know if you're going to die tomorrow. There is no point in dwelling on an outcome that might never come to pass."

"I know that it will be him or me. The Prophecy…" Harry’s voice trailed off as he gazed out over the grounds of Hogwarts, his shoulders hunched in resignation.

"Let’s not fool ourselves.  We _both_ know I'm not strong enough to defeat him. How can I compete with the power of the greatest dark wizard since Grindelwald? He’s going to win and it will have all been for n-nothing. All of it for nothing,” he whispered, tears streaming down his face. 

The sight of his most hated pupil reduced to a simpering mess would have, at one time, filled Snape with quiet glee. He had long wished to see the boy cowed, but the reality of Potters gut-wrenching sobs pulled at the core of the normally impenetrable Potions Master. With uncharacteristic tenderness, Snape wrapped his arms around the broken boy in front of him.

"I'm going to die and all I ever wanted was to live a normal life, have friends, be like everyone else! Not be The-Boy-Who-Lived. All I ever wanted to be was just Harry. ”

 Drawing away from the embrace, Harry turned and looked once more out the window. A sound between a sob and a laugh rushed past his lips.  Here in his final hours he was pouring his soul out not to someone with a kind word and a sympathetic ear, but a man as sharp as a knife’s edge; A man who made no secret of his rabid abhorrence to his presence. Life’s little ironies never failed to surprise him.

He supposed it was fitting in a way, this pseudo-closure with the man who had been his only consistency. Snape had never wavered, never altered course. He was the same now as when they had first met. Even at the end, despite their tumultuous and antagonistic past, Snape was saving him, as he always had.

“Gods Snape,” Harry chuckled darkly as he carded a hand through his hair, trying to pull himself together. “I’ve never even had a proper kiss."

Taken aback by the admission, Snape acted on impulse, closing the distance between them. If he had been thinking rationally, he would have stopped himself from cupping Harry’s tear stained cheeks, compelling those brilliant eyes to look at him. It was a shock to both men when their lips met in a chaste kiss.

When it ended, they looked into the other’s eyes: emerald and onyx meeting without rancor or malice.

"Harry..." Snape’s whispered before they fell upon each other.

The world melted away in a flurry of heated kisses; neither Voldemort, nor impending doom could encroach upon them. There was only the warm press of lips and teeth and tongue. An unrestrained moan echoed in the tower, from whom it came from was of little importance.  Snape’s knees weakened as he felt strong arms wrap around him, pulling him closer until they were flush.

Nothing was more imperative in this moment than kissing the boy before him. It felt…right in a way nothing ever had. Harry’s whimper sparked something deep inside of Snape; some primal urge he hadn’t known was there. He growled as he melded their bodies together, wishing they could get closer than flush, slipping his hand lower and lower, down to that deliciously firm arse. Snape practically purred at the feel of Harry’s hands sliding up his back, clutching tightly at his robes.

Merlin’ how he wanted this boy and with a jolt, Snape realized what he was doing.

  _‘I’m_ kissing _Harry Potter.’_

He abruptly broke the embrace, shoved the boy away, and recoiled in disgust. What had possessed him to engage in an act of this kind with someone like Potter? He had taken advantage of the boy’s vulnerable state, something he had sworn never to do to any, let alone the Potter scion. The Harry would never willingly submit to an intimate encounter with someone like himself.

"Har-Potter...I apologize. I should not have done that--"

"No. Snape, please don’t--"

"—to you. I'm older, I known better than to allow that sort of behavior...”

"—say that. Stop. Please," Harry pleaded. "I didn't mind. I don't mind. I'm glad you kissed me."

“—to take advantage while you are emotionally compromised.”

Snape retreated towards the exit. He placed his palms against the doorframe, forcing the tremors that threaten to expose his weakness to be suppressed; unable to bear looking into the face he knew would hold contempt and revulsion.

"You can't mean that, Potter," Snape sneered, disgust boiling inside him. "You don't mind that an old, greasy git just took advantage of you in a vulnerable moment?"

Harry stammered, "It…it wasn't like that.”

The contemptuous words that hovered on the tip of Snape’s tongue died when whipped around to face Harry and noticed a pale, rose coloured blush creeping up the boy’s neck and face.

_‘Is he blushing for me? No. It can't be. It must be a trick of the light. I...he doesn't even like men. He couldn't...doesn't like me. I'm disgusting!’_

Snape turned to flee, from the torrent of emotions that had been unearthed in this place, which held far to many memories for his comfort, from those haunting green eyes.  "You're right. You have earned one night to yourself. Good evening.”

The door to the tower closed with a dull thud and, once again, Harry was alone.

"Oh my gods," he sighed as he collapsed back onto his seat at the window’s ledge.

Snape had kissed him and he'd liked it. Had the world gone mad? It must have for never in all his life had he felt so content. In Snape’s arms, he had found a refuge. Who could have ever guessed that kisses from that wicked mouth could renew his resolve?

Harry felt he could conquer anything-- slay any dragon, defeat any foe-- over just a kiss.

_‘Now I have something to fight for,’_ Harry marveled.

For the first time since he could remember, Harry gently stroked his lips and headed off to bed, his thoughts filled with possibilities.


	2. Kisses and Confrontations

Severus Snape, Potions Master, reformed Death Eater, the man who had looked in the face of unspeakable horror and never flinched, was undone. He was rocked from his foundations.

 Nothing made sense.

_**I kissed him...** _

Robes billowing, he silently ran away from the stolen moment in the tower... down the steps...away from... him.

_**A kiss. I've come unraveled by a single kiss.** _

_"A single kiss?" A silky voice whispered through his mind._

**_No, not just one kiss. Two. Two peerless kisses...but_ ** _it_ **_was a fluke, a random occurrence. It was a mistake._ **

_"Are you sure?" the voice taunted._

**_Yes! Of course it was. No one could willingly want to kiss me. How could they? I'm...I'm no beauty. I'm twisted and broken... damn it! I don't understand how he has such power over me. When did this happen? I hate him, really I do._ ** **_I..._ **

Coming to a halt outside of the dungeons, Snape collapsed against the wall.

**_That was my first kiss_ ** _._ **_.._ **

**_It felt so wonderful. Right. Like we… belonged...together. How could that be? Potter of all people! He…how could I have not known that we were..._** **_How could I go all these years without being really kissed?_**

Reaching his private rooms, Snape sighed, mumbled the password ( _Nox Aeterna_ ), and entered his cold and lonely rooms; left only to ponder what had to be, while ignoring what could have been.

* * *

While Snape was brooding, sinking slowly into the darkness, Harry was in heaven.

**_He kissed me. He kissed me. I can't believe it. I.._ **

Despite what people told him, this could be his last night and he had to be honest with himself, to finally admit the truth. He had silently been fighting this war within himself since he could remember. Growing up The-Boy-Who-Lived came with more expectations than just vanquishing Voldemort. Everyone expected him to kill The Dark Lord, become an Auror, then settle down with Ginny Weasley, and pop out three children, but that’s not how he wanted his life to be.

As much as he loved his friends, cared for Ginny, he had admit it. He, Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived...was gay, but more than that he...had feelings for Snape. Had felt them growing before their kiss.

_**When did that happen?** _

"The Pensieve..." suggested a voice.

**_Yes, the Pensieve. He looked so...lonely. Like me. I felt connected to him in a way I never had before._ ** _**I'm glad he kissed me. I wanted him to.**_

"Why did he run away like that?" Harry mused. "That's so unlike him."

_"Maybe he realized who he was kissing," a poisonous thought hissed._

**_No. He wanted to kiss me. Snape never does anything that he doesn't want to...not with me. I mean, we hated each other, we fight like mad, but he KISSED me._ **

**_It felt too...right. Why?_ **

With a drive that was purely Gryffindor, Harry decided to confront the situation head on. He had to talk to the man. Determined to retrieve the answer that was hidden within Snape, Harry changed course and headed off towards the dungeons.

* * *

A light knock cleaved Snape from his glass. "Go away, whoever you are. If you’ve come to kill me… come back later," he bellowed before taking another long drink of firewhiskey.

"Please sir, let me in. I have to talk with you."

_**Oh god. It's Potter.** _

Snape chugged the last of the liquor in his glass before he replied. "Go away boy." He turned towards the nearly empty bottle.

"No. Snape, let me in. Please," Harry begged.

Unable to rail against the sorrow in the boy’s voice, Snape reluctantly set the bottle down and let him in, lowering the protective warding around his rooms.

"Enter!"

Harry shyly stepped into the room. It was much more lush than he would have expected from Snape. Plush leather seating graced the tastefully arranged room. Books lined every spare bit of wall space. Harry let his eyes wander the room until they locked onto the man he was there to speak with.

"What do you want?" Snape asked without turning away from the fire. He couldn't bear to look.

Tentatively, Harry inched closer to the brown leather chair in which Snape was sitting as he spoke. " Why?"

"Why what, Mr Potter."

"Why...Why did you ..umm, ya know," Harry babbled.

"Boy, I am in no mood for your prattling. Say what you mean or get out of my sight. Some of us are trying to get rest before tomorrow. Only you Potter. Only you would come down here in the dead of night to talk and not say any--"

"Why did you kiss me?” Shocked by the commanding tone of his voice, Harry stood trembling at his bluntness.

Under his breath Snape replied," That’s the million galleon question, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind Potter. I...I don't honestly know why I kissed you. You seemed to... Regardless of what happened in the tower, just know that it will not be repeated. It was utterly irresponsible of me to do what I did. I'm thirty-eight years old Potter. You are a mere child. I should have known better. Besides, you have more important things to contemplate. You should be thinking about strategy, not about a greasy, broken-down potions professor."

Harry was stunned. He had never heard such self-loathing. This is Snape, the meanest Professor in Hogwarts, the nightmare of every first year student, a brilliant wizard, a man who faced death and ruin as much as he did. How could he sound so lost?

Taking a deep breath, Harry walked around the chair. Snape’s eyes were closed tight,. The firelight danced on the longest eyelashes Harry had ever seen.

_**Oh my gods... he looks so.... How could I not realize? How could I never have noticed?** _

"I told you before, I'm glad you kissed me. You...you gave me what I needed. I...I wish you hadn't run from me," he whispered.

"I'm a Slytherin, I didn't run away," sulked Snape.

"Well what would you call it?" Harry replied with a hint of humor in his voice.

"It was...I don't have to explain myself to you," Snape snapped.

"Why do you always do that? Why can't you just let that go? Be a person for once? I know you can be. If you couldn't you wouldn't have held me tonight, you wouldn't have comforted me, kissed me."

Without a second’s hesitation Harry grasped his weathered face and kissed his slick, raven coloured hair.  He felt emboldened by the act.

"Please Sev, please don’t turn me away. Tonight I’m just me and you’re just a man. You’re not a Death Eater, a spy, a professor—just a man. A man I want to… please would you just..." Harry timidly murmured, "hold me?"

* * *

It was the ‘Please Sev’ that shattered the last of his defenses. Only Lily, his only true friend, had ever called him "Sev" and now her son was asking for more than he thought he could possibly give, but he had to do it. He couldn't resist.

"Alright," Severus whispered "Alright."

_**Just for tonight. It can't be anymore than this. I can't bear to hope.** _

"Thank you." Harry breathed as he crawled into the warm, black clad embrace of his former foe. "Thank you so much. No one has ever held me like this. You...you make me feel... safe."

Severus' heart warmed at the admission. "No one holds me either," he admitted. "No has ever wanted to, dared to, let me hold them."

Harry looked into the dark obsidian eyes of the man cradling him in his lap.

"I'm sorry," Harry crooned as he lightly kissed Severus' cheek.

It should feel strange to be sitting in the lap of his most hated professor, but, somehow, it felt right.  Had this been what they had been building to?  All of that passion, the fire between them, turned from hate to…something else.  Somehow in that kiss was the key, the key to flipping the switch, letting them truly connect. ****

**_Thank the Gods it happened before it was too late._ **

" I...I never told you how sorry I was for the way my father treated you. I...you were right. My father wasn't what I thought he was, but neither are you," Harry smirked. " I..I never told you, but that's..that's when I stopped hating you. I realized you were a person, flawed yes, gods yes, but you have had just as hard a life as I have."

Severus couldn't breathe.

_**Had Harry apologized to him? He doesn't hate me? No one, except Lily, had ever cared to look and see him for himself, to look beyond the facade. And he kissed me again, not that I truly mind it.** _

Gently, Severus brushed his palm over Harry's cheek. "Thank you for that. You don't know how much that means to me." With barely a second between statement and breath, Harry leaned forward and began to trail kisses over Snape.

“Harry,” Snape whispered in awe.

"You *kiss* want *kiss* me *kiss*. I want you too," Harry sighed as he worked his way around Snape's face. Brushing his lips delicately over the man's forehead, eyelids, and finally his lips.

"Mmm," Someone moaned.

Soft, chaste, pressing of lips turned hungry. Mouths opened. Tongues collided, parried, teased.

"Oh Gods," Harry cried as he turned his body to straddle the lap beneath him.

Hands wrapped around his waist, slowly lifting his shirt off. Snape stared at the half-naked boy in his lap, devouring the sight of the firelight over pale, porcelain flesh.

_**He is so beautiful. I must be dreaming. This can’t be real.** _

_**"**_ Would you...do you want to?" Harry asked shyly.

"Would I want to do what, Mr. Potter?"

"Harry, please call me Harry. I love it when you say my name."

"Harry," Severus replied in sultry tones.

 _ **Oh his voice.**_ Harry shivered.  _ **How can he do that to me with just his voice?**_

"Harry," the older man teased, "What are you asking me?"

Swallowing around the gigantic lump that had formed in his throat, Harry tried to work up the nerve to ask for what he so desperately wanted.

"Would you *swallow* take me to your bed? Would you..ehm..make love..ya know..to me?"


	3. Into the Abyss

The silence was deafening to Harry's ears.

Sitting straddled across firm thighs, Harry waited for an answer.

And waited...and waited...and...,...,...,...,...

_**I shouldn't have asked him. Oh Merlin...I've messed this up. I'm such an idiot. A kiss is one thing...I guess...** _

Turning his head away from Severus to hide the humiliation and despair he felt, Harry attempted to find his shirt and leave.

_**I was wrong…He...must not... want me.** _

"I'm sorry sir. That…I shouldn't have...I..," Harry whimpered and in an even smaller voice mumbled, "I'll go."

* * *

_**He asked me to...make love to him. Me? I'm not worthy of such a gift. He's so pure, exquisite. I'm...I'm not...I'm so...** _

"I'll go." Suddenly jolted out of his consternation, Snape realized he had not responded. So entangled in his thoughts, he had failed to realize Harry was no longer in his lap. Snape lunged forward and grasped one pale arm. Without giving the boy another moment to flee he pulled Harry back into his lap and tenderly cradled him in his arms.

"Harry-"

"I'm sorry. You can let me go. I pushed too far. I shouldn't have," Harry moaned dejectedly.

"No, Harry no. I...I'm sorry I...for the first time in my life I was left speechless."

From beneath tear-filled lashes, Harry tentatively looked into Severus' eyes.

"I'm sorry. It's just that..." Snape sighed struggling to find the right words. "Harry. It's not-"

" -you. It's me. I get it," he bitterly spat as he pushed himself off the older man’s lap.

"No, you don't. Now if you would give me a moment to explain you might understand wh-"

"No, I understand. I pushed too hard, too fast. Gryffindors. Hm, we kinda just rush in head first," Harry replied striving to sound nonchalant, but utterly failing. "No really, it's fine. I'll just go. You're right, I should be getting rest or firm up my strategy for the battle. Anyway, thanks for before. The kisses and...stuff. Goodnight Professor."

With the commanding presence that he was famous for, Snape gracefully rose from his chair and with a deep voice that snapped like a whip commanded, "Mr. Potter, be still and let me speak."

Reluctantly, he allowed himself to be lead back to the leather chair. Settling into Snape's arms once more, Harry waited for the ax to fall.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, Snape searched for the courage, for the words to articulate what he needed to convey to the boy. Filled with dread, he knew he had to tell Harry the truth. It was something he had to confess though he knew that to do so would break something within him if he were rejected.

_**Oh gods! I never thought this day would come. Maybe, it won't matter to him. Maybe... Merlin! Just breathe and get it over with. The sooner it's out the sooner you'll know, one way or the other.** _

"As you are well aware, I have a rather formidable reputation. Most of my students and the public at large see me as the "bogey man." I find this quite amusing at times, but while that title does have some unique benefits, it does create a problem when trying to form attachments. I have been alone most of my life. My family is long since gone, and even before that occurred, I had divorced myself from them. As a result of my limited experience with personal interactions, I have not had much experience in terms of intimate relations or relationships of any kind. I...I have only been with one other person and to say that it was ... I just never thought that anyone could ever...want me...that way."

Seeing the pain echoing in his eyes, Harry caressed Severus' cheek.

 _ **Only one?**_ Harry marveled as he perused the striking face in front of him. Snape was no poster boy for classical beauty, but he was handsome in his own way. Strong, proud nose, beautiful cheek bones, roman jaw line; all of it pieces of the whole that made the man before him, a man he would be lucky to be with.

" I...I've never been with anyone," Harry shyly confessed.

Brushing his hand through midnight coloured tresses (that were not in any way greasy), Harry whispered, "It...it just felt right to ask you.  I can't explain it. When you kissed me, it was like coming home. I knew I was home," he softly declared.

Severus leaned forward and gently kissed Harry's soft rose-colored lips.

Harry sighed as the commanding Potions Master's lips left his. "Who was it?"

"Who was who?" Severus replied, his mind slightly hazy from the kiss.

"Who was the other person?"

Harry winced as he saw the storm of emotions fill and flash across Severus' face.

_**Merlin, why can't I stop myself? Why can't I keep my mouth closed for once?** _

Pulling away from the hands on his face, Severus inwardly felt the panic, the hopelessness surge and devour him.

_**Oh gods, oh gods, Oh gods! Why did he ask me? Oh GODS! I'm going to lose him. I know I will. He'll be so disgusted. So disgusted...** _

Resigning himself, he cemented his soul once more into the hard merciless thing that it was rumored to be. Harry would never be able to see past this. Never. Turning his back on his last hope of happiness, Snape stalked towards the fireplace mantle, towards the abyss..."The Dark Lord."

Thinking he misheard, Harry asked for clarification. "What did you say?"

Without an ounce of emotion, he repeated the most hated word in all of the wizarding world, "V…voldemort."

Stunned, Harry parroted, "Voldemort?"

Unable to face the revulsion he knew Harry felt, he solemnly replied, "Yes."

"Why?"

_**How many times have I asked myself that same question? How many nights have I lain awake and asked, "Why? Why me?"** _

Trying to cage the loathing and self-hatred that always emerged when he was forced to recall that fateful night, Snape spat his toxic reply. "I had no choice."

 


	4. Miles to go before I sleep....

**Twenty-one years ago...**

_Severus shivered in the brisk night air as he waited. Lucius had told him to be dressed, prepared, and waiting for him by the lake at midnight. It had taken weeks, but Luc had found a way for them to sneak away for the ceremony tonight. At long last he was going to join the noble ranks of the Death Eaters and take his place on the side of The Dark Lord. He finally felt that things were looking up in his life, that by becoming a Death Eater he wouldn't be alone anymore._

_Severus had been miserable over the last two year at Hogwarts. Day by day Lily drifted away from him until, mid-term last year, James Potter had finally twisted Lily's loyalty to him. The one person who he bared his soul, confided his darkest fears and brightest hopes to had betrayed him. In a fit of rage he had spouted the one word he never thought would pass his lips: mudblood. If Lily hadn't already turned against him, saying that surely would have. As it was she slapped him and spouted off a string of vile and vicious things in retaliation. He tried to apologize to her, he didn't mean to say it, he was of mixed parentage himself, but she wouldn't listen._

_Suffering in silence, with only his potions and Dark Arts books for comfort, Severus had become even more of a loner over the course of his 6th year. That is until Lucius. The tall and handsome Malfoy heir had somehow managed to wedge his way past his shields and had become Severus' friend, even though the boy had graduated a few years before. He was still weary of opening himself up too much, but being with Luc gave him hope._

_**Obviously someone wants to spend time with me, maybe even...be..with me.** _

_Jolted out of his revelry, Severus turned towards the sound of the rustling of robes._

_The sight of Lucius always stole his breath away. He had decided to let his white gold hair grow long this last year. It now fell down to his shoulders giving the air of a prince from a fairy story._

**_A very sexy prince...mmm._ **

_Quickly closing the distance between them Luc's seductive voice caressed him, "Are you ready Sev? This will be your first step into becoming one of the most powerful wizards of our generation. Not only that, but we'll always be together, like family." Pulling the emotionally starved boy into him arms, Luc gave Sev a kiss on the cheek and then softly cupped his hands over Sev's pale face. Luc whispered, "I can't for wait us to be family Sev."_

_With slightly unfocused eyes Severus sighed, "Me either" as the boy grabbed the portkey._

* * *

_"Omf," mumbled Sev._

_He still loathed the feeling that he got after using a portkey. He couldn't wait till he was allowed to Apparate everywhere or fly. (Which was something he had only heard the strongest of wizards could do.)_

_Realizing he had become distracted Severus looked up to find Lucius._

_"Luc?" Severus looked around him only to find himself alone in a extraordinarily dense woods. "Luc? Where...where are you? We're going to be late for the ceremony."_

_"No you won't," softly slithered a voice from the darkness. "You are precisely on time."_

_The tall, well toned body of the Dark Lord stalked towards him. "Severus, I am so looking forward to having you join the ranks of my "little family."_

_Something felt wrong._

_**Where is Luc? Where is anyone? Get a hold of yourself Sev, this is the Dark Lord. This might just be part of the ritual. Show him that you are worthy.** _

_Slightly stuttering Sev replied," Ye..Yes my Lord. I would be honored to be admitted into your service."_

_"Yess, I think you will make a most complimentary addition to my Death Eaters and you should feel honored at the chance to enter my service," Voldemort hissed with a smirk as he circled the young raven-haired boy like a shark going in for the kill._

_Severus felt a thrill of dread crawl up him spine._

**_The way he said service...it..it sounded almost...sexual? No he can't mean that. He's the Dark Lord, he's here to take care of me. Like a father would. Protect me...not...have his way with me._ **

_No sooner had the thought flit through his head than he heard a sinister whisper waft through the air. "_   _Silencio."_

_Severus' eyes went wide. A fraction of a second later came a glee filled "Mobilicorpus," lifting the lanky frame of the boy into the air and then none to gently placing him on the ground._

_"Catenius," a breezy voice sounded._

_Sev tried to struggle as manacles appeared from the ground, locking him down._

**_Oh gods! What is he doing? What is he doing? No...oh Merlin!_ **

**_"_ ** _I can just taste the fear rolling off of you Severus. It's quite delectable." Voldemort cooed into Sev's ear._

_A warm, wet tongue traced his jaw. Thin lips sucked their way down his neck. Hands roamed his body. Fondling his..._

**_Oh Gods...he can't. This isn't how I wanted it to be..._ **

**_"_ ** _Severus, Severus, Severus. You should be grateful to me really," Voldemort taunted as he stroked the front of Sev's trousers._

_"Who but me would ever want you like this?" The icy hands opened his fly, exposing him to the night, then wrapped around his limp genitals, coaxing it into erection._

_"You are not handsome." Sev struggled to fight his biological response._

_"No, you are tall and lanky. No, you are no beauty. You are twisted and broken. Who could ever want someone like you in their bed? You should be ever so grateful you're getting this at all."_

_Tears poured down Severus face as his body betrayed him._

_"You must not hate this as much as you're pretending. If you did, you wouldn't have just come." Voldemort laughed._

_The rest of the night moved as if Sev was trapped in a never-ending nightmare. Snippets of time registered._

_Violently trembling. Naked on the ground._

_Hot breath. Hands. Heavy weight pressing him deeper into the soil. Crushing him._

_Pain._

_Silently screaming._

_Feeling like he was being pierced in two. Feeling like he was going to die. Feeling so dirty that no spell no cleanser could ever wash away the shame._

_A single cry of pleasure._

_Something hot, liquid covering him...in him._

_Then nothing...nothing but darkness._

* * *

**The Present**

"I had no choice." Severus spat as he absently rubbed his Dark Mark. He had awoken from that horrible night alone in his dormitory with the magical tattoo on his wrist. He knew he could never escape. He knew a piece of him died that night. That he was destined to always be alone.

* * *

Harry stood frozen.

 _ **No. No!**_ His mind screamed.  ** _He was ra..._**

White-hot rage filled every molecule in his body. He had never wanted to kill someone more in his life. How had he gone all these years working as a spy, seeing his attacker's face, talking to him? How could Dumbledore make him do that?

He would kill Voldemort if it was the last thing he ever did. Not for the world, not because it was the "right" thing to do, but because of what he did to the fractured soul before him.

_**Severus Snape is the bravest man I have ever known. No wonder...no wonder.** _

Take a deep breath to calm himself, Harry then slowly moved towards the mantle. "I'm so sorry. I'm so very, very sorry," said as he softly placed his hand on hunched shoulders.

Fleeing from the simple touch, Snape brushed the comforting gesture off. "Now you see. Now you understand. I'm not worthy. You wouldn't want to sully yourself with someone, some _thing_  as disgusting and unclean as myself."

Refusing to let this broken and beautiful man go, Harry lovingly settled his small hands onto Severus' cheeks. "No Sev, I'm the one who's not worthy. You..you've...to open yourself up to me is truly a gift. I would truly be honored if you took me to your bed."

Tears flowed down Severus' face. Fingers brushed them away.

No one he had told had ever wanted to touch him afterwards.

**_Here is Harry Potter, savior of the wizarding world, wiping away my tears. Telling me he'd be honored? That..._ **

"You still want me?" timidly inquired the potions master.

"Yes, how could I not? I think I want you more now that I know." Harry gently pulled Severus into a chaste kiss.

The broken part of his soul finally felt like it was whole again.

"Harry. *Kiss* Harry." His name became a mantra. Lifting the small boy into his arms once more, they headed towards the bedroom.

**_  
_ **


	5. Beloved, Daring, Adored

Upon entering, Severus slowly lowered Harry to the floor, though he was reluctant to stop the effulgent kiss between them.

Emerald depths penetrated him. Questioned.

Lovingly he traced the face before him, attempting to imprint every inch into his memory. This night, no matter what happens after the battle, would forever alter everything. This night will be emblazoned in his memory. Should he fall in the morning, Sev knew that he could finally go from this world contented, whole, loved.

Delicate, long, elegant fingers skimmed the edge of Harry's shirt. Slipping underneath, the hands caressed of his torso, slowly pushing up his shirt.

Severus wondered if he had ever seen anything as beautiful and the man before him.

"Are you sure Harry? Really sure that this is what you want?"

Harry slowly pushed Severus into the bed and knelt before him. Taking his time he gracefully removed each shoe, then worked the buttons on the front of the man's robes. "I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I want you. Now. My first time could only have been with you. I can't imagine it any other way."

Snape lightly flushed at the complement the kneeling boy gave him.

_**If this is a dream, let me never wake up.** _

Piece by piece, their clothing fell away till nothing was left between them; all the barriers had fallen away. Snape, becoming uncharacteristically shy, hunched, collapsing his long, lean body in on itself.

"Don't hide from me," Harry demanded as he tilted Sev's chin up, gaining a confidence that he rarely felt. "You have a gorgeous body. Don't be ashamed of it. You're beautiful," he said as he kissed the man before him.

Tentative hands mapped the planes of the others body. Chaste kissing turned heated. Soon The-Boy-Who-Lived's youthful frame was clinging to the Potions Master's.

"Huah," Harry moaned as he slowly rubbed himself Sev's hard erection. "I..need..ah..you...please."

"Harry...Harry..." Severus panted. Losing control for a moment, he flipped the boy unto his back and ground into him. Ravenous from the taste of Harry's flesh, he kissed and sucked the boy's collarbone gently.

"Ah, Sev. Kiss me please, please..." Unable to deny the boy anything, he tenderly brushed their mouths together. Slowly, ever so slowly removing his lips, Sev he licked and sucked his way to tight dusky-rose coloured nipples, lower...lower until his hot, wet mouth reverently engulfed Harry's swollen...

"Oh gods! That fe...feels soo good Sev" Harry brokenly cried. Taking more into his mouth, Sev sucked and licked Harry into a frenzy.

"Oh..OH..Merlin Sev! I..I... you're gonna..Huah..mm..make me..." Harry's orgasm exploded from him. He saw stars. He was caught in a wave of pleasure.

* * *

Harry's body was on fire from his touch, from his tongue, his mouth. Severus never thought that it could be like this. This is what he always wanted. He brought this wondrous boy to the heights of passion. In that moment another broken piece of his soul mended.

"I...I need you...in me." Harry whispered as he became coherent once more.

" I...I have to prepare you," He sheepishly replied. "I'm..you know I've never..."

"It will be fine love. I trust you. You won't hurt me. I know you wont," Harry cooed.

_**He trusts me? Love? He called me love...oh** _

Emboldened by Harry's words, Severus moved lower still. "Spread you legs, show yourself to me."

Harry shivered.  _ **Gods, he's so sexy when he talks like that. If he only knew what his voice does to me.**_

Putting into his eyes all that he was feeling, Harry presented himself, spreading wide, wrapping his arms around his thighs.

Filled with an insatiable lust, Severus pulled the firm cheeks apart with his long fingered hands and used his wicked tongue to taste the tight, iris before him.

"Sev! Ooh." Harry cried. With every moan, Sev felt more and more confident. Harry wanted him and he wanted to give this boy so much pleasure. He whispered a cleansing and lubricating spell and gently caressed a finger around the outside of Harry's opening. He circled and stroked it before slowly pressing inside.

 ** _Merlin...Merlin. He feels so good._** Severus thought as he slowly pumped his finger in and out of Harry's satin heat.

One finger, then two, by the time he was ready to add a third Harry was practically incoherent with need.

"Please..pleasepleaspleaspleasplease. I need you. Sev, please! I need..I need you."

Sev grasped himself and press against Harry's heat. He kissed him as he entered him.

"AH!" Harry cried.

* * *

Severus stopped dead in his tracks.  ** _I hurt him! Oh gods!_**

Attempting to withdraw, Harry stopped him by wrapping his legs around his body.

"No. Stop. I want this. You're not doing anything wrong. Just..just go slow, k?"

"But I  _hurt_  you!" He cried.

"Love, I want this. Just go slowly." Gradually calming, Severus settled once more. "Just slowly, slowly, slowly" Harry continued to whisper as Severus filled him. When he was completely inside, totally encased in silky heat, Sev stopped and kissed him.

"You feel so wonderful. So, so good in me. I'm so full. So full." Harry breathed against his lips. "Move love, I want to feel you, make me feel you."

Severus, little by little, began to rock inside of Harry. Stroking, pumping inside of him. He was in heaven.

"Mmm," he moaned.

"Yeess," whined Harry. "Yes. Mmm.. faster...h... harder."

Severus fought and for a moment lost the battle to not ram himself in the amazing tightness that was Harry. Shifting to get deeper, he was surprised by Harry's cry.

* * *

Severus' was inside him. Making love to him. It felt so good. He didn't think it could get any better. Then he changed the angle. Something inside of him sparkled and spattered his abdomen.

"AHH! Oh my gods. I'm...I'm not even touching...it feels... I'm not cumming. Stop. I..I can't be. Oh stop." Harry cried.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," Harry panted and shivered." But if you... You hit something and it just...I'm st...still...Merlin!" After a moment he finally stilled.

Blushing at the realization that he'd orgasmed twice, Harry mumbled." That felt amazing. Just go slow or you're gonna make me do it again."

Filled with a joy he had never known, Severus smiled down at Harry and said "And that would be a bad thing?"

"Well, no I guess not," chuckled Harry as he sunk his fingers into his lover’s hair and pulled him into a deep kiss.

"I just want us to do it together. I mean," Harry blushed, "you haven't...ya know...and I've...well."

* * *

The sweetness in Harry's voice filled his soul. Another piece, once broken, mended.

Setting a easy pace, Severus rocked his hips. Never had either of them felt such joy, such love. With each stroke, their souls entwined tighter and tighter. Sev moved assuredly. Thrusting quick, deep, deep, deep, then teasing, pulling out to the edge. Letting their bodies beg to reclaim each other.

"Oh yes," he moaned, "yes...oh yes..."

"Sevsevsev. Oh.."

So close. So close. So close. They were both so close. The air around them seemed to glow, pulling them tighter and tighter together. It was almost too good. Then something changed, pushed them over the edge screaming their pleasure into the night.

 "Harry!" Sev cried.

"I love you" they cried.

The world stopped. Time stopped. There was only joy and love and light and magic.

**To Be Continued...**


	6. The hour of our Seperation

"Harry Potter. You have one hour to face me or everyone will die," Voldemort's magically enhanced voice boomed.

Harry was beyond caring, beyond hope, beyond wanting to live. It was over, his reason for living. His future gone in the blink of an eye.

**_Sev..._ **

* * *

** 12 Hours Ago **

Never had Severus ever been so content. Last night's passion had been wondrous and earth shattering. They had made love twice more before succumbing to sleep. Smiling, Sev stretched his lean body. He could still feel his lover inside of him. Flashes of Harry entering him, making love to him as he cried with joy moved through his mind.

The old bitter, broken Severus Snape was finally gone and in his place was a man full of hope. Harry had given this to him. It was too soon to feel like this, but he knew he meant it when he said ‘I love you’ to Harry last night. He had always known the person who could help him become whole would hold his heart. Now Harry had his. If they made it through this day, he was going to make Harry be his...forever.

Sheets rustled beside him.

"Sev," murmured Harry's sleep-filled voice. "Come closer...please."

Knowing he could never deny his lover anything again, Sev wrapped his arms around Harry and kissed his lips softly. "Morning."

"Morning. I never want to leave this bed. I wish...I wish we could stay here forever."

"So do I, so do I." Taking a deep breath Severus tried to settle his nerves to ask the single most important question of his life.

" Harry," Severus began, " I know that, well, that things have been moving at an accelerated pace. I know we have had a history filled with mutual animosity. I will admit that the hostility and malice that was directed towards you was a result of my unresolved feelings towards James. I…I just wanted to be angry. It was…easier than moving on.  Regardless of our past, I...well...I find that I love you now. I know it seems sudden, but last night was the single most wonderful night of my life. I’ve never felt another’s magic that melded so well with my own. What we called. …I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to find you.”

Lightly taking Harry’s hand into his own, Severus asked, “Would you do me the great honor of becoming my husband when this is all over?"

"SEV!" Harry shrieked. "Yes! *kiss* Yes!"

Tumbling and rolling on the bed as they kissed and laughed, Harry and Severus had never been so full of joy.

* * *

** 3 Hours Ago **

Severus gave into the urge to stroke his ring as he stood waiting. Before parting ways this morning, they exchanged engagement rings that they had conjured. He couldn't believe his luck. Finally it felt as if the sins of his past had been washed away and he was going to receive a new chance at life. He was given the gift of Harry's love. He could do anything. He was no longer afraid of the Dark..no of Riddle. Tom Riddle: the man who had once had power over him, but no longer. He could face anything now that he had Harry.

"Ssseverusss," hissed the robed form behind him.

Severus turned to greet his foe. He silently thanked the Gods that he wouldn't have to play spy after today.

'My lord."

"You have been a most faithful servant. Most faithful." Step by step Voldemort glided closer to Severus. Something...something wasn't right.

"You killed Dumbledore for me."

A cold chill went up Sev's spine. He knew. His magic tingled, warning him to be on his guard. It was so like the feeling he got that awful night. Riddle was up to something. It had to do with the Elder Wand. He wouldn't have brought up Albus if it weren't.

Watching as Voldemort circled him like a shark, Severus slowly slipped his hand into his robes for his wand.

"You were a most excellent lover Severusss," he taunted, distracted. "It is such a shame that you have to die."

Quicker than lightening, the Dark Lord slit his throat.

**_Harry. No...Harry._ **

Feeling an icy hand caress his cheek, Severus struggled to stay alive." The Elder Wand obeys you. I'm sorry Severus, but only I can live forever."

* * *

Harry knew something was wrong when he saw Severus go to the Shrieking Shack.

"Harry where are you going?"

He had forgotten Hermione and Ron in that moment. Nothing mattered but Severus.

"I saw Snape head towards the Shack. I'm going to follow him."

"Brilliant mate. That greasy git is probably up to no good."

He had forgotten, there had been no time to tell them about what had happened between them. They still thought of Severus as the man who had killed Dumbledore, who was a traitor. It seemed like a million years ago that Sev had come to him with the information about today's battle. Only he knew Severus' true allegiance. Dumbledore had made sure that he knew in the event of his death.

Ignoring the slight against his lover, Harry turned and made his way to the Whomping Willow.

* * *

Crouching down, to avoid being detected, the trio listened.

"Ssseverusss."

'My lord."

"You have been a most faithful servant. Most faithful. You killed Dumbledore for me."

Harry's palms itched to kill the bastard that hurt his Sev. He swore he would kill him and he would. He would and he'd enjoy it.

"You were a most excellent lover Severusss," he taunted. "It is such a shame that you have to die."

Panicking, Harry moved to save his fiancé. Two pairs of arms held him down.

"Harry, stop. You'll only get killed yourself!" Hermoine whispered.

Nothing mattered. He had to get to Sev. Seeing that Harry was not going to listen Ron took out his wand. "Petrificus Totalus"

_**If he dies, I'll never forgive them. I'll never forgive them...He can't die.** _

Tortured with every passing second, Harry was forced to hear his love struggle for breath, trying desperatly to hold on.

"The Elder Wand obeys you. I'm sorry Severus, but only I can live forever."

The second the Dark Lord was gone, Hermoine released him. He ran to get to his side.

There was blood everywhere. More blood than he thought could be in a person's body. He placed his hands over Sev's throat, trying to keep the life-giving fluid inside.

"Sev. Sev!" Harry cried. "Don't you die on me. Please..please!."

A blood stained hand brushed his face. "H..ha..harry. Take them. Please love."

Noticing for the first time the memories pouring out of Severus, Harry turned and yelled at his friends. "Give me something. A flask, something!"

From where they got it, he didn't care. He was just glad to get it as he collected the memories. With every drop Harry cried harder. "Just because I'm taking these doesn't mean that you're gonna die. Do you hear?"

Severus knew it was the end. He had to tell Harry...he had to. "I..I love you. I'll a..always love you."

His dear boy, his love leaned over and kissed his blood soaked lips. "I love you. I love you so much."

With his last breaths Sev clasped their hands, kissed his lovers lips, and whispered, "Always."

_**No!** _

"No. Nonoonononononononono..." Harry was undone. He didn't care who heard him, who saw him. His love was gone. He threw himself onto Severus' lean body. It was still warm. This body who'd made love to him last night, who held him when he cried, who'd...who'd...

"NO! Oh Gods! Bring him back. Bring him back! Please don't leave me. I can't do this with out you. Please. Oh oh...no pleease. Not him. Oh!"

* * *

** 2 Hours Ago **

Ron and Hermoine were shocked. Harry and Snape? They had no idea what to do. Harry wouldn't let go of Severus. Wouldn't let them take him and the body to the infirmary. Wouldn't let anyone touch them. They had managed to convince him to " _Mobilicorpus_ " the body indoors.

When they entered the great hall and people noticed whom they were carrying in, some cheered and clapped. A voice next to Harry began to stir him out of his catatonic state.

"Good riddiance!"

"Slimy git. He deserved what he got," cried another.

"Good job Harry, taking out that hook nosed traitor"

Lost in his grief, Harry picked up his wand and pointed it at the room. "The next person to speak ill of Severus, the next one to say anything against him, THE NEXT ONE TO TALK ABOUT MY HUSBAND LIKE THAT… I'LL KILL THEM WHERE THEY STAND!"

The walls shook at his words, everyone stopped.

"He is the most amazing man I've ever known. I won't have you talking about him like that you hear? I loved him and I won't have you talk about him like that."

Hermoine slowly moved to touch Harry. Violently jerking away from her Harry turned. "It's your fault he's dead! If you had minded your own  _fucking_ business…let me do what I knew I needed to do he'd be here. He'd be here with me!"

Hermoine's tears didn't matter, people's reaction didn't matter, all that mattered to Harry was taking Sev away from everyone.

_**Maybe...the Headmaster's office. He is...was the last one.** _

"I'm taking him. Nobody touches him but me." With a wave of his wand he took his love to be alone.

* * *

Once inside the office, Harry gently laid Severus down. He whispered a quick cleansing spell. He looked, almost, like he was sleeping. Crawling beside his lover, he wrapped his arms around the lean body and cried. For what felt like hours, what felt like seconds, Harry cried his soul out. Suddenly an eerie voice boomed.

"Harry Potter. You have one hour to face me or everyone will die."

Harry was beyond caring, beyond hope, beyond wanting to live. It was over, his reason for living. His future gone in the blink of an eye.

**_Sev... his memories. One last look before the end. One last moment to see him, hear him. I'll kill him. He'll kill me. Then I can be with him again. Then..._ **

Slowly Harry disengaged himself from his lover's robes, stood and walked over to Severus' Pensieve. With a shaky hand, he removed the stopper, poured the memories in the bowl, and looked inside.

* * *

** The Pensieve **

Harry stood in the Astronomy tower. ** _When was this?_**

_"Potter, how did I know that you wouldn't be where you should ?"_

_**Oh Gods, last night. Why last night?** _

Harry looked at the hours-younger version of himself with envy.  ** _I wish I could go back. I want to go back._**

Severus' dark velvet voice flowed into him. He wanted to reach out and stroke that cheek, his hair.

_Soft warm lips caressed his._

Tears streamed down his face as he watched _._

_...The memory swirled..._

Sev...his joy. He could feel the small tendrils of happiness.

**_"That was my first kiss.._ ** **_.._ **

**_It felt so wonderful. Right. Like we belonged...together. How could I have not known...How could I go all these years without being kissed?"_ **

_...The memory swirled, moved forward... _

_Soft, chaste, pressing of lips turned hungry. Mouths opened. Tongues collided, parried, teased._

_"Oh Gods," Harry cried as he turned his body to straddle the lap beneath him._

_He wrapped his hands around Harry's waist, slowly lifting his shirt off. Gazing at the half-naked boy in his lap. He devoured the sight of the firelight over pale, porcelain flesh._

**_He is so beautiful. I must be dreaming._ **

_...Again a shift, memory swirled, moved forward... _

_**Us making love...the first time.** _

_"You feel so wonderful. So, so good in me. I'm so full. So full." Harry breathed against his lips. "Move love, I want to feel you, make me feel you."_

_Severus, little by litte, began to rock inside of Harry. Stroking, pumping._

_"Mmm," Sev moaned._

_"Yeess," wined Harry. "Yes. Mmm.. faster...h... harder."_

_So much. Such joy, such love. With each stroke, their souls entwined tighter and tighter._

Watching it choked Harry. Bitterness threatened everything. Feeling how happy Sev was. What could have been their everyday, their always.

_Sev moved assuredly. Thrusting quick, deep, deep, deep, then teasing, pulling out to the edge. Letting their bodies beg to reclaim each other._

"Oh yes," Severus moaned, "yes...oh yes..."

"Sevsevsev. Oh.."

"Harry!" Sev cried.

"I love you."

_...Shifting, swirling, forward... _

_Severus lying on his back, trembling in anticipation, in fear, in lust._

_"I promise I'll go so slow Sev."_

_Harry slowly entering, filling Severus. Rocking. Stroking that spot with inside his lover that felt so, so good._

_"Oh..mmm. Harry. So good. You feel so good." Severus moaned as the tears came unbidden._

_"Sev, am I hurting you? You're crying."_

_"No love," Sev crooned as he arched into Harry." You've made me whole. You've healed me."_

Love, light, joy. Pure happiness. A perfect moment. Harry could barely watch. He could still feel Sev inside of him. His arms around him. How could have ever go on after this? After such love?

_...A new memory..swirling... _

_Severus standing in front of the mirror. Pulling out his wand he magically writes._

Harry,

Love. If you are seeing this, I must have perished. Gods, I hope not. For I want to spend the rest of my days by your side, loving you. Giving you everything you have ever dreamed of.

But in the event that I do not make it through this day alive know this...

I wasn't a man until I loved you. You made me whole. You took the broken piece of my soul and shaped them into something worthwhile, worth loving.

I'll always love you.

Always.

* * *

** The Present **

Shaking as his body was wracked with sobs, he came back to the present.

**_Sev..._ **

Harry violently shook his head.

_**Oh Sev...** _

With legs filled with lead, Harry knelt down and kissed his lovers lips one last time.

Taking out his wand, Harry whispered " _Sumus Sempiterno."_ While waving his wand over the both of them. Content in the knowledge that when he died his body would be transported to Sev's side.

 Harry wiped his tears away. No. He wouldn't give Riddle the satisfaction of observing his pain. He would face him and die.

It would be over. It would be over and he could be with Severus again. Maybe in whatever place lies beyond this world, this world filled with pain and death, he could finally be happy. Who could possibly have guessed how just a simple kiss could alter his life so?

Knowing what he had to do, Harry left the headmaster's office, for what he thought would be the last time. Ron and Hermione were waiting.

* * *

"Harry. You can't go," sobbed Hermione as Harry came into view. " We'll figure something out. We will. You cant!" Tears rolled down the faces of his friends.

Ron and Hermione.

_**They'll be fine when I'm gone. They'll have each other.** _

"I have to. It's always...it was meant to be this way. Me or him. If I don't... destroy the last horcrux."

"I'll kill Nagani." Hermione whispered.

With a nod, Harry curtly replied. "It's up to you."

Turning away from the two people who had anchored his life for so long, he was a sorry that it had to end like this. With the knowledge that he could never forgive them.

Harry felt a hand on his back. "Be careful mate."

"Ron." Harry nodded. "Hermonie."

With one final look back at his oldest friends, he set off to face his demise.

**To Be Continued...**

 


	7. What Once Was Lost...

The night air hummed against Harry's skin as he stood frozen on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. His very soul felt encased in the bitterest frost.

_It's best not to think. Not to feel._

A macabre weight pressed upon him. Not a bird, not a person, not a creature stirred in the hushed darkness. It was as if the land itself was in mourning for his lost love. Harry knew what he had to do. It was the only way. He was going to face Voldemort. He was going to die. He knew it. He was going to let himself die. Let the evil over take him.

It didn't matter. Nothing did.

He reached into his pocket for the golden snitch.

**_~I open at the end~_ **

_The end...when...when I'm ready to die. Well... I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm standing at the edge of the abyss and I'm going to jump._

Moving the snitch against his lips, he breathed, "I'm ready to die." The golden orb bloomed like a morbid flower, revealing a small stone.

_**The Resurrection stone... onyx coloured ...like Severus' eyes...** _ ****

A tidal wave of grief smashed into him, breaking down the dam around his heart.

_**Severus.** _ ****

Panicking, struggling to catch his breath, Harry collapsed to the cold, hard ground. The sadness, the horror, was overwhelming. It turned him inside out. It stabbed him. It turned his blood cold. He was numb, until he thought of him. Then the pain.

Balling his hands into fists, he pounded into the dirt, desperately trying to make the moment pass. He had to keep reminding himself, repeating the words ‘ _I'll soon be with him. They'd be together and nothing will ever, ever separate us again_.’

"Harry..."

Harry jumped. Looking up through glassy eyes, Harry saw before him the faces of those he loved most in the world. His mother and father. Remus. Sirius. But...no Severus. Tears flowed down his face.

_Not even now. The fates can't even grant me this._

"Harry...we love you so much sweetheart. You've been so very brave"

"Why are you here?"

"We never left."

Harry slowly looked at his family. He loved them. He loved them all so much, but...they weren't Severus. He couldn't believe how fast the man had consumed his heart. He wanted Severus. Here at the end, he thought he should at least have been given that.

"Does it hurt? Dying?" Harry inquired. Knowing that it didn't matter one way or the other.

Sirius, with a knowing gaze answered, "Quicker than falling asleep."

"I just wish.." Harry's voice broke.

_No...it will be over soon. Don't think about it._

Taking a deep breath, Harry turned to looking into the ghostly faces. "Will you stay with me?"

"Until the end."

Without another word, Harry slipped his hand into his pocket and made his way to face the man who had brought him so much pain.

* * *

Surrounded by those who's love had meant so much, Harry stepped into the clearing, facing his life's destroyer.

"Ssso…Harry Potter," hissed a sibilant voice. "The Boy-Who-Lived come to die," taunted Voldemort as he entered the clearing. "I didn't think that you were going to show. I was truly beginning to doubt that famous Gryffindor courage."

"I'm here."

"Yess...you are. Ah today is a great day. I do so enjoy watching someone's last breathe. First Severuss...now you. Yes, it is a good day."

Harry's world blurred around the edges, he was filled with a blazing hatred that was beyond comprehension. He wanted to kill him. He wanted to wrap his hands around that chalk-coloured throat and squeeze until his neck broke.

"Shut-up Tom."

"You will not call me THAT!"

"I will call you whatever I please, Tom. "

Red sparks flew from The Dark Lords' wand, sending Harry tumbling to the ground in agony. The pain was almost unbearable. Almost.

As much as he hated the man, as much as he wanted to kill him, he was twice as ready to die. To be without Severus, that was the most unbearable pain. More unbearable than this curse. It didn't matter. He had killed his love. The man was really doing him a favor by killing him. Nothing mattered. Not even revenge.

With a wave of his wand, he ended the spell. A smug looked crossed the noiseless face. Poisonously hissing, The Dark Lord spat, "I told you. I told you not to call me that."

"I don't care what you want. You killed my Severus."

The snake-like head tilted. An amused expression pulled at the corners of the evil man's mouth.

"Ssseverus," he hissed. "He was a loyal sservant, but he served hiss purpose."

"No. You're wrong. He wasn't loyal to you. He was mine. He was all mine."

"What doesss it matter to you? He wasss mine. My sspy. Mine. Why sshould you care what I do with what iss mine?"

"I loved him. He loved me and you killed him. He was  _ **mine**_. Not yours and you  _killed_  him," Harry screamed.

"You will not distract me with your liesss."

Insane with grief Harry railed at The Dark Lord. "NO! He was mine. He was working against you. And he loved me. You thought you broke him, but you didn't. You didn't. He was mine. Even at the end, he was mine. Even though you're going to kill me, you won't win. You're giving me my love back. We'll be together. We'll be happy. Yes, give me my death. I welcome it!"

"SSsssilence!," screeched Voldemort. " Let us finish thisss."

Taking a final breath, he steeled himself for what was to come. It didn't matter to Harry.

He was ready to go.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Blinding green light.

Then...

* * *

He awoke.

For a moment he thought nothing had happened. He wasn't in pain. Cautiously, Harry turned his head. When nothing happened he opened his eyes. He found himself lying down on the floor in what looked like King's Cross Station. Everything was Peaceful. Still. Quiet. There was no colour. Everything was white.

Everything except the man in front of him.

"Love."

There before him stood his lover, his husband, the other half of his heart. His Severus brilliantly dressed in flowing black and silver robes. He looked so much younger. He looked so handsome, like a dark prince in a fairy story; Like the strain and heartache of his life had been swept away. He was so beautiful. Harry's arms ached at the sight.

"Sev." Running he jumped into the arms of the one he loved more than life, unable to restrain himself.

"Love. Love. It's alright now. It's alright."

"Severus. You..you died and...it hurt so much. And I'm dead now too, right?"

With a patience he rarely showed in life the man replied," Yes, Harry. You died, but you have to go back."

"No! No, I can't. I can't be without you! I can't!" Almost manically staring into his lovers eyes, Harry yelled," I don't want to live without you!"

Severus gently stroked his lovers back, murmuring heartfelt endearments. It broke something within him to know that Harry was in so much pain at the thought of their separation, yet it filled his soul with joy to know that he was so well loved.

"But you must, love, you must," he spoke in hushed tones. Stopping to kiss raven coloured hair before continuing. "If Dumbledore were here he would give you some vague answer about making a choice, catching a train and some such nonsense since we appear to be in King's Cross, but I'm not giving you one. You must go back. You must defeat him. You will go back."

Frantically Harry tried to make him understand. "I don't care. I don't care anymore. I only care about you. I can be with you. Please don't make me go."

Soft, warm lips pressed into each other. It was as sweet as the first time they had kissed. So full of passion, hope, and love.

Severus gently caressed Harry's face. "I wish you could stay here, with me. But this is a place of in-between. You can't stay here forever. Love, you had to die so that the piece of Voldemort that was inside of you would die. My dear boy, you were a horcrux. One he never intended to make. You had to die. You did. Now you must go back and finish him."

With eyes glistening with unshed tears, Harry buried his face into his lovers robes. They smelled of rosemary and flaxseed oil and something inherently Severus. A scent burned into his core. Timidly Harry inquired, "If I go, can I come back when it's over? Can I comeback to you?"

Sighing, wishing that Harry would go on for him, find the happiness that he so rightfully deserved after all that he had been through, Severus answered. "Yes. If that is what you truly want." Grasping the boys chin, he tilted his lovers beautiful face to meet his eyes. "But I wish you would live for me. I wish you would go and find the happiness that you deserve. I wish you would live Harry."

Cutting off Harry before he could protest, Severus continued, "I know what you are going to say. I cannot stop you. I'm here. If you choose to be with me so soon I will except it, but know that I would wait forever for you. I love you so much."

"I love you too Sev."

"I love you. I love you so much Harry. You gave me a happiness I had never thought possible."

"Kiss me please," Harry whimpered.

Then they were together. Lips and teeth and tongue and it was beautiful. It was heaven. It was everything.

Neither wanted it to end. Both wanted to spend the rest of eternity wrapped in the other, but Severus knew Harry had to go back. With a willpower and bravery that was unmatched, he pulled away, denying himself an eternity of joy.

With a voice dripping with sorrow, Severus whispered, "Love, you have to go."

Harry could feel a pull coming from inside of his body. Almost the way a portkey felt when activated, only slower, more powerful.

"Not yet. Please, I don't want to go just yet," Harry begged.

"I know love. I know. You have to. I'll be here. I'll be here waiting for you..."

"Severus!"

"I'll be waiting. Always..."

* * *

Harry awoke in the Headmasters office.

He was alive.

The  _Sumus Sempiterno_  spell worked. His body had been transported back to his lover's side.

Leaning over, Harry grasped Sev's cold hand and kissed each knuckle. With each kiss he made a promise. "I'll kill him. I'll kill him for you. Then I'll come back. I promise."

Gently laying the still elegant hand down, Harry stood and headed for the door.

He had promises to keep.

**To Be continued...**


	8. The End of All Things

Harry walked through the rubble that was once the main staircase. Bodies littered the ground. Like morose spring flowers, they popped up here and there. They didn't matter.

Blood pooled on the ground and splattered against the wall, Harry knew that they belonged to friend and foe alike, but he didn't care.

Nothing mattered but killing Voldemort. And he would. He had promised Sev. And he would keep his promise, no matter what the cost.

Each step drove him closer to his goal, to his eventual release. He burned with the fires of retribution. He was on a mission. He would be the Angel of Death, striking with terrible anger and righteous fury against those who had hurt him.

He would smite Tom.

He would make him bleed, make him suffer unspeakably.

If anyone were to look inside of his mind, Harry knew they would see that his sanity had been shattered beyond all repair. The losses of family, friends, and now the other half of his soul were just too much for him to bear. Sev had been his whole world for a few, short hours. They weren't given enough time! It had been too short, much too brief a time to end the way it had. They were supposed to have months, years, decades, a lifetime together. Not a day and a night.

A day and a night, that's all that they had shared.

All the time they had wasted fighting and stabling each other with viciousness, misunderstanding the other's motives.  All the time they had been enemies served as a bitter reminder to Harry that they had squandered what could have been. To have been allowed only a night and a day to finally realize that they were meant for each other, to have that time gifted then yanked away was too cruel by far. To be given a glimpse of peace, of true happiness, to finally connect with one's soul mate, only to be separated was more heinous than the most powerful Unforgiveable.

Each passing moment, Harry knew that he would that much closer to being with Sev. Each breath, that much nearer to the man he loved more than life. When it was done then…then…..he could let go.

* * *

A sea of people and creatures alike filled the space between what was once the entrance to Hogwarts hallowed walls and the bridge. No one looked happy, Death Eater and rebel alike. The war had taken its toll on everyone; no one had been spared. Everywhere Harry looked, he saw sunken, skeletal faces, but he didn't care. Harry turned his attention to the one who had taken away his whole world.

"HARRY POTTER IS DEAD!"

Voldemort, smug in his triumph, declared proudly before the Death Eater and resistance fighters assembled. He thought he had won, thought he had beaten them, him. Harry waited in the shadows for the right moment to take action. He barely noticed the shrieking wails from Ginny Weasley or the murmurs or the tears. Harry was singularly focused on only one man.

"Who will be the first to come bow at my feet? Who will be the first to put their faith in me? Harry Potter is gone, forever. Submit, bend to my will or perish."

Slowly, Neville limped forward.

Many tried whispering to him, trying desperately to get him to return to the group. Finally, the tall boy stopped and stood half way between Voldemort and the safety of the Castle clutching the battered Shorting Hat.

Thin lips curled into a sneer before speaking. "What is your name boy?"

"Neville. Neville Longbottom." Voldemort laughed and like trained puppies, his minions laughed in response.

"Longbottom. Not the best of the rebels, I suppose you'll have your uses. So Neville, are you ready to pledge yourself to me," the evil man asked.

"No."

"NO?"

With immense courage Neville spoke. "I will never bow down before you. If Harry can't kill you…" Neville reached into the hat and drew the Sword of Gryffindor, "I'll do it!"

"TOM," Harry bellowed. He couldn't let Neville take his prize. Every eye snapped towards him. "I think you missed old man!"

Chaos erupted. People ran left and right. Harry flew down the stairs, pushed Neville out of the way, flinging every hex, jinx, and curse he had ever learned.

Voldemort sprang into action, screaming at the sight of the resurrected boy. "No, it's impossible. I killed you! I KILLED YOU!"

Harry manically laughed as they battled. "I guess we are too much alike Tom. You died, I died. We just can't seem to stay dead."

Red and green whizzed through the air, colouring the sky with sick fireworks. Harry jumped and rolled, nimbly avoiding getting hit. Never had Harry been more alert, more determined. He had made a pledge, he had made a vow and he was going to make the man pay for what he had done!

Minutes that felt like hours, which felt like seconds passed as they circled one another. Harry could tell that if they continued to fling spells at each other, it would take forever to land the killing blow. Then an idea stuck him. Harry surprised the snake-faced man with a swift punch to the face. Wizards thought only in terms of spells, never in the physical and Harry used that to his advantage. Using the momentary lapse in concentration as a result of the physical assault Harry yelled, "  _Expellliarmus!"_

The Elder Wand soared through the air, moving directly towards Harry's out-stretched hand. Once it landed, Harry felt the surge of power move through his veins. Oh, this wand was his, it answered his call and right then he knew what he wanted to do. " _Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!"_

Harry smiled as his enemy writhed in pain on the ground. It wasn't enough; Harry needed him to suffer more. He thought it would be fitting to use one of his lover's spells. " _Sectumsempra!"_

Blood gushed from the stump that was once the Dark Lord's right arm. A screeching wail echoed off the broken columns stopping all other fighting in its track. Dozens of eyes looked on as Harry savored his revenge.

With another flick of his wand, Harry lopped off the left arm…then the legs. He watched with a serene detachment as the pool of blood became a lake, then an ocean. It wasn't enough, it would never be enough. How could it? Sev was gone.

He made his way over to the stump of a man. "I'm going to kill you now Tom. I'm going to pull your heart out and let you watch as it takes it's final beat." Harry pressed his wand to the man's chest, cutting, making a seam. Once he finished, Harry reached in and grabbed the shriveled, black organ. He held it right to Voldemort's face as he gaped at it in shock, utter shock of his complete defeat.

.

_Thu-thunk._

_Thu-thunk._

_Thu-thunk._

_._

Silence.

"Good by Tom," Harry whispered before his whole world went black.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

* * *

**_18 years later…_ **

Harry stilled as he looked into brilliant onyx coloured eyes.

He knew his son hated hearing it, but it was the truth: he had his father's eyes.

Never a day went by that he wasn't struck by melancholy at the sight. The long raven colored hair, the tall lithe body, and wicked sense of humor were so reminiscent of his lover and constantly reminded him of what he lost. Everyday, he awoke in Severus' bed in the dungeons at Hogwarts or the small house at Spinner's End from dreams of his one night of pure happiness and sobbed. His bed was cold. His body felt hollow. His arms ached at the emptiness.

The years had only heightened the sense of loss. With each passing day it had only seem to make it sharper, more acute. Nothing had dulled the pain, not friends, not books, not flying, not work, nothing. The only thing that pulled him from the abyss, got him through the day was to look into the face of their son, even though it pained him greatly, and recommit himself to the task of being a single parent.

It had come as such a shock to find himself pregnant after the Battle of Hogwarts. When he finally became conscious in the makeshift infirmary, worried faces had surrounded him. It was unheard of. Men did not get pregnant, even in the wizarding world. Many thought that somehow The Dark Lord had managed to transfer a piece of his soul into Harry in the form of a fetus. They wanted him to get rid of it to insure that Voldemort wasn't reborn. But Harry knew it wasn't a piece of Tom, it was Sev's gift to him: a reason to keep living. The man was as slick and crafty in death as he had been in life. He knew that Harry would never end his life when he had a duty to perform.

It had been a long journey over the past eighteen years. Secluding himself from the wizarding world at large, Harry had remained single. He never married or dated again, much to the dismay of many. They had thought it foolish to keep the child, to not return to active society, but Harry's heart wouldn't let him. There had been well meaning friends who tried to pair him off at dinners and other assorted gatherings, but how could anything compare to the perfection he had found? Many thought it was ridiculous for him to pine so for the former Death Eater, but slowly those who had once been close to him understood that he could not be swayed and let him be.

The only other thing that kept him going, besides their son, was his quest to see that Severus was given his due. The masses had been staunch in their refusal to accept that "Severus Snape: Death Eater" was on the side of the light. It had been a struggle to get Severus' name cleared in the eyes of the world, but after eighteen years he had done it. Which was why they were standing outside the Ministry's Memorial Museum at this very moment. Severus was finally being honored as the hero that he was, and as such, receiving an Order of Merlin, first class, posthumously. Harry was going to except it in his honor.

He had set foot inside of the building only once before to except his own Order of Merlin the year after the war ended. He had suffered through the pomp and circumstance in the press and the cocktail hour before the ceremony began, but when he had walked through the exhibits and saw no mention of his lover's sacrifice, he refused his award in his speech, stating that until Severus received one he would accept no honors.

"Dad, you okay?"

At the sound of his son's voice, Harry was jolted back to reality. "Yes. Sorry, it's just a bit overwhelming to be here. I just...I guess I never really thought this day would ever come."

"I wish I could have known him."

Harry walked over and wrapped his arms around his boy.

"I know. I wish you could have known him too. He was a difficult, sarcastic, snarky git, but he was unfailingly loyal. He was so incredibly intelligent. I know that if he could have stayed he would have, he loved me that much." Harry wiped away the tears that trailed down his cheeks. " He would have loved you as much as I do. I know he does. You were his gift to me. I know he would be so proud of you making the Potions Mastery program."

"That seems so little compared to what he did, what you did. He was almost my age when he became a spy. I could only hope to be that brave."

"I know that if a crisis arose, you would follow in his footsteps. He was such a brave man. The bravest I've ever known. You are a part of him, I know you would honor him well."

"You are too Dad."

Harry turned. "I'm what?"

"Brave."

Harry shook his head. "I never had a choice. I had to do it. It was prophecy. From the moment I was born, I had been pushed down that road. He made a choice. He didn't have to turn spy or spend half his life protecting me, protecting the world as a whole."

Turning once more towards the door to the ballroom, Harry smoothed his dress robes and reached for his son's hand. " I think  _that_ takes more courage than I ever had. "

 

* * *

**_  
_ **

 

The night had gone off without a hitch. He had expected one or two naysayers to put a damper on the evening, but surprisingly none emerged. All the remaining Order of the Phoenix members had attended. Harry thought it was more for his sake than any real affinity for his lover, but he took it. His relationships with Ron and Hermione had never recovered, but he was glad that they had come. He had never forgiven them, no matter how they tried. He was officially their eldest's godfather, but he had not been by or visited since the night in the infirmary. It just wasn't in him to be that forgiving.

After convincing his son that he would be fine alone for the evening, Harry flooed back to Spinner's End and prepared himself. All of his affairs were in order. There had been a great deal to get accomplished over the past week. He had visited the solicitor that afternoon to make sure everything had been transferred into his son's name. His son, Brian Severus Potter-Snape was now the head of four family lines: The Potter's, The Snape's, The Prince's, and The Black's and all of the properties, vaults, and magical items that those lines included. He had never raised his boy with the knowledge that they were extremely wealthy, choosing instead to live simply in Sev's childhood home.

After leaving the office, he had written a note in an attempt to explain why. It had been hard to adequately explain his actions. He knew that no one, not even his son, would ever really understand what he had suffered these past eighteen years. Living everyday without the man he loved was worse than any torture that he had suffered under Voldemort. He felt empty, incomplete, lost.

If it hadn't been for their son, Harry would have left this world long ago. He had tried to be a good father to Brian, tried to love him with what love he had left to give. He hoped that his boy didn't feel cheated. He hoped that one day he would know the kind of love that he and his father had found in each other.

_Maybe then He'll forgive me for what I'm going to do._

He reached for the portrait of his lover that sat on the end table by Sev's old leather chair and loving stroked the scowling face. Once the owl from the Ministry arrived, notifying him about Severus' award, he knew. He knew that he had finally reached the end. That he could finally let go and be with the man he loved. Cradling the frame in his arms, Harry breathed a sigh. He was ready to go. With an iron will and a sense of peace that he hadn't felt in almost twenty years, Harry whispered the spell.

At first nothing happened.

Then he felt...

He felt his chest get tight…

His legs felt unsteady, weak…..

Harry had to steady himself to sit down.

His eyes felt heavy….

_'Harry.'_

Harry turned to the sound of his name. It was a voice that he had longed to hear everyday for eighteen years.

 _'Harry. You head strong boy.'_ A velvet voice chided.

Harry's breath caught in his throat. The gateway was open and there before him was his Severus looking as beautiful as he remembered: long black and silver robes, raven hair, long elegant fingers. Harry ached to touch him. To kiss him.

 _"_ Sev, I couldn't wait any longer. I've waited long enough and I couldn't stand it a moment longer. Eighteen years was too much It hurt too much." Harry ran his hand through his salt and pepper coloured locks. " I love you. I needed you."

Onyx colored eyes filled with compassion and love looked back at him. ' _It's all right Harry. I asked that you live and you did. Our son is beautiful Harry. You have helped him become such a wonderful person. You've done what you could, all that I could have wished for you. My beautiful boy, come to me. Take my hand.'_

Severus reached out to his lover. Slowly, Harry placed his small hand in Sev's and wept as he felt the first tendrils of true happiness wrap around him. Harry dimly was aware of the sensation of his body falling away as strong arms enfolded him. He buried his face into Severus' robes. He had missed that smell. The scent that had haunted his dreams: flaxseed, rosemary, and something darker. Something inherently Severus.

' _Kiss me. Please, kiss me. I've waited so long.'_

Just as it had been in the beginning, it was tender and right and pure.

The gateway closed and finally, Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived was at peace.

* * *

**The End.**

 


End file.
